I was reminded of this in a recent episode of the podcast with Phil Oblak, episode 21.  He recommended the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  At the core, the book talks about the need for every man to have an adventure in our life. That from very young age boys seek out the dangerous, the risky, the path not taken. 

A good friend of mine Dan Zehner runs a podcast dedicated to this called the Anthem of the Adventure.  It was inspired by a conversation he had with John in a mastermind community we are both a part of.

This word adventure is a word we all know but when we really think about it, how often are we really living an adventurous life. 

Our life is mostly built around routines that involve a set of things we do each week.  How many dads consistently make a Target run each weekend? 

Be honest, I know I do with our family. 

I bring up Target because it reminds me that our society is wired and designed to keep us in patterns to keep spending money.  Its consumerism at its best and worst. 

Corporations want us in patterns to keep money flowing in a direction.

As it finally warms up here in Wisconsin, I am looking forward to getting out with my kids.  We have already had some small adventures but looking forward to extended ones when the kids get out of school. 

I have one big warning with planning adventures with our kids.  They almost always desire something more straightforward than what we think they really want. 

As dads, we have a tendency to overcomplicate what it means for us to have fun as a family. I know I am guilty of this. 

Early when my kids were young, like all under 4 I was always thinking about taking them to the big water parks we have here in Wisconsin. 

Then I decided just to scale it back, and we found a nice Holiday Inn in Madison with a pirate ship kid area. 

They absolutely loved it!  We probably went back 4 times after the first one.  It was the place they always wanted to go to. 

Two years ago we finally did take the leap and went to the Great Wolf Lodge for Christmas and guess what my son said … “Dad, I don’t like the big bucket.”

They just wanted to play on the little slides that they had.  Now don’t get me wrong we still made some good memories there, but it was a good gut check of how my mind works and how their works. 

Taking this lesson of not overcomplicating it, I applied it to some nice spring walks we did recently. 

To an adult, it was just about the most ordinary walk you could imagine.   

I did what most dads struggle to do, I entered their world.  It started with the basics, calling it an adventure.  Next, we would wonder a little bit in the subdivision trying to find some cool things to check out like the ants on the sidewalks.  Or when we saw a big excavator, I said to Dylan “Look a great big CAT, I can’t believe we saw a CAT in the wilderness.” 

Now it took a minute for them to figure it out and my oldest daughter who can read figured it out, but at the end of the walk, it was still a memory they took away. 

My favorite was a broken sidewalk from a new house being built, I said: “watch out guys, it’s the road of small rocks, and we could get hurt.”  They ate it up like an ice cream sundae.

It taught me an essential lesson that Adventure isn’t always about doing Adventurous things, but creating memories inside there world that will carry them through the week when you get busy. 

The dividends I get back on quality time with my kids when I enter their world vs. me bringing them to mind are always two times more than just daily things. 

Now don’t get me wrong I want to up the game a little bit and get outdoors with them this summer and explore some new areas, but I will remember a good shot of excitement in ordinary things could be that little extra that takes something you are doing from ordinary to extraordinary. 

Here would be my top things to consider when thinking about planning adventures.

1. Keep it simple and age-appropriate, everything has a season for when it’s the right time.
2. Figure out ways to enter their world with the activity of your planning.
3. Get outside of your routine, find new ways to explore life outside the lines. I am a big believer in that our kids need to get outside of our life to help figure out how they will fit into it when they grow up.
4. Find ways to build in 1:1 time with your kids that include adventure.

As we talk about on the podcast on every episode, kids spell LOVE T.I.M.E, and it will be the simple things that will make the memories they will remember more than the last toy they just had to have at Target. 

This is one of the last lines in the movie Christopher Robin.  The movie was fun to watch, but it hit a cord to who was I was just a few years ago. 

I was the dad focused on work, focused on the next thing outside of the family that was going to make me happy finally. 

The one moment at work someone would finally say they are proud of me. 

This movie has so many connections to live; it’s crazy.  The sad part is most of them were missed on the adults that sat watching it with their kids. 

As Military Dads it’s easy to focus so much on our service, that it’s a noble sacrifice but just like in the movie Christopher Robin.  It can only build up so much before the house of cards come tumbling down. 

As Veteran Dads we feel stuck in the transition process that we never move past our Military service. 

In the movie ends with these words

Winnie the Pooh: Christopher Robin, what day is it?

Christopher Robin: It’s today.

Winnie the Pooh: Oh, my favorite day.

Christopher Robin: Mine too, Pooh. Mine too.

Winnie the Pooh: Yesterday, when it was tomorrow, it was too much day for me.

Christopher Robin: Silly old bear.

How often as a dad do, we get so hung up on tomorrow or yesterday that we forget today should really be our favorite and our focus.

This movie reminded me even with this podcast that it is not my primary purpose, that family must always come first.  I only get this day with my kids and family and after today its gone.

I am convinced that when you hear someone say, “kids just grow up so fast, make sure you enjoy this time” is really just code for they were not around or present at that stage in there life. 

In every episode of the podcast, we are consistently talking about what it means to come home, be present, and what is the easiest way to get it done. 

So next time your kids ask you to do something that day, remember yesterday is over, tomorrow is not guaranteed and today is the only thing sure in our life. 

Let’s make it count.

Ever have those moments where it seems like the house is on fire with screaming kids and wild behavior? It can feel like you are standing in the middle not sure what to do next?

When we served, we were trained to remain in control, have a plan, always know the next step to take.

When it comes to being a dad, you generally have little control, no plan, and stuck to know what that next step is.

That is what I loved about this episode with Alisa, she lays out a framework for that and so much more.

If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, check it out here.

It all boils down to one-word CONNECTION! 

I have grown into the belief over the last few years that almost all of our kids’ behavior bowls down to the deficit they are feeling in there life but not sure how to articulate it because they just don’t have the emotional depth to understand it.

One question I ask myself when my kids are acting up is, have I been investing in them over the past week and if this is a reaction to that gap.

What Alisa talks about is that when a child misbehaves the simplest thing for us to do is redirect and spend 10 minutes with them.

After recording this episode, I gave this a shot and misdirected some bad behavior and said, “let daddy finish this quick and then we can go spend 10 minutes together.”  It worked better than I expected, her behavior at that moment stopped, and after the 10 minutes, she was like a completely different kid.

Keep in mind she is 7, and all we did was throw a silly ball back and forth on the floor in her bedroom.  She just wanted that 1:1 attention that only a parent can give.

Daily Deposits

 I learned last year with a new morning gym routine that making small daily deposits in the bank of tomorrow increases the ROI on my time investment each morning.  This mindset is perfect with 10 Minutes together because that is precisely what you are doing, you are making those small deposits in your child’s life that will lead to an overall healthy physically and mentally capable adult.

I have heard legacy best described as planting seeds in a garden you never get to see grow.

Isn’t that what we are doing as parents every day?

This episode really brought home the point that many veterans and active duty dads get hung up on the legacy of our service, but to really come home we need to shift our focus to the next legacy, our family.

 

The kind of adults we put out into the world matters and it starts with these simple 10-minute connections time.

 How We Show Up

If there is one thing that has hurt my parenting worse than anything else, it is not having a lot of friends growing up.  I have overcome the friend’s part today for the most part, still a continuing struggle, but it shows up in my parenting where I want to be my kids’ best friend.

Is this something you struggle with?

When you are trying to be there best friend, it becomes difficult to be firm when they are miss behaving.

I often run into struggles trying to set boundaries.  It is something my wife is great at, but if I am honest, it is still a struggle for me most days to balance this.

I asked this question to Alisa, and her response was terrific and hit home for me big time.  But it was awesome because what I am doing is good, but I am missing one piece, being firm.

She talked about the research showing that a compassionate, but firm parent is the key.

My primary takeaway was that we just need to focus on keeping our word as dads, do what we say, and follow through on our commitments.

Don’t say a punishment we are not willing to follow through on.

But on the other side of that coin be compassionate, CONNECT, and learned to listen to what they are saying and feeling.

Rabbit Listened

 As dads we can rush to give advice or our opinion on a topic, we see it in our marriage, our kids, and our work.  I have struggled with this most of my life because of a lack of self-confidence in my own life; I always wanted people to hear me.

As I have learned on my journey as a husband and a dad often what people really need in our life is for us to listen.

Alisa shared a children’s book called “Rabbit Listened” which shares a story of a boy who was terrified by something and had a bunch of animals who come by who all think they know exactly what he needs.

And the last one, the Rabbit, didn’t have anything to say, he just listened.

So much of what the people in our life really need is not our opinion or advice, they just need someone to listen and validate how they are feeling.

What was your big takeaway from the episode and what part hit home for you the most?

Be sure to download her free resource, 85 Ways to Connect for 10 Minutes